Infinite Monkeys Typing Infinitely on Keyboards

Obviously, it is impossible to love someone unless you agree with everything they believe. Obviously, if you disagree with their beliefs, it means you wish nothing but ill for them for the rest of their lives. Obviously, the world is strictly dichotomous (especially politics) and you must love one side, hate the other, and assume anyone with conflicting opinions is out to get you and nothing they say is valid. At least, this is what social media has taught me.

"In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves."

-- from Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card

There's this journalism theory called Infinite Monkey Theorem, that basically states that given an infinite amount of time, a monkey could type an entire work of Shakespeare. This theorem is often used in arguments supporting work of professional journalists vs. public news reporting-- such as blogs and websites where works are published as news from someone not trained in journalism. I used to think that this idea was elitist, and that obviously people in general should be allowed to post whatever they want and it would encourage discourse and promote new ideas and lead to people better understanding one another. I've lost that faith. When you have no consequences for your actions, when you sit safely at your keyboards and make statements based on biases and report them as news, you are a liar. I'm ashamed of the country I once had faith in. I'm ashamed of how everyone uses whatever they can to push their on agendas, and this happens on every side of every issue. I'm ashamed of how little we've progressed toward acceptance, compromise, change, and understanding. I hope one day, our society can overcome this. I hope.

SDG

Fear.

Fear is the primary chosen mechanism for persuasion, for manipulation. Politicians use fear to get favorable votes, telling us if we don’t choose them, their opponents’ policies will wreck our country. If the other party is in charge, everything we know and love will be destroyed. It’s a very effective strategy.

Fear drives people to do things they never would have done otherwise, crazy and rash things. It’s a psychological tactic, breaking down the enemy from the inside out. Once the seed is planted, it doesn’t require much work. Let the imagination run its course. A fearful enemy is a weak enemy. Fearful enemies do not think rationally, do not make careful assessments and calculated attacks. Fearful enemies are consumed with their fear and prone to make rash decisions, running blindly into oblivion, hoping to escape the fear, not to defeat their opponent.

We know when we’re being manipulated. We know when that seed has been planted, because we begin telling them what they want to hear. We say, “No, we can’t let you in,” to anyone that looks like what our enemies are telling us they look like. “We cannot go there,” about any place similar to place they’ve been. We close our doors, stay inside, and hide.

Friends, I write this so that you will think twice about your words and actions in light of the terrible events of this weekend. Don’t say the things they want to hear. Don’t be scared to do the things you love and help people in need. Let’s choose to be opponents who laugh at fear tactics. Strong enemies show confidence, compassion, courage because they have nothing to be afraid of.

No one knows exactly how long they have to live. Let’s not live in fear.

Future Fond Memories

I woke up hungover on a June Sunday morning. I mentally kicked myself for drinking so much, and halfheartedly swore off alcohol for the next month. I felt guilty for missing church, especially since it was my Sunday to work in the nursery, but resolved that sleep would be better and knew someone could fill in. After a failed attempt to keep down some orange juice and a few hours of fitful dozing, I heard Kate stirring in the kitchen and smelled coffee brewing. I decided to get up. I chewed ice and listened to Kate talk about her weekend photographing a wedding in Arkansas, and we swapped anecdotes about the crazy and stupid things we both did on Friday and Saturday. She left for her usual morning run, and I tried to gauge whether or not I could spend the rest of my Sunday swimming in the Mississippi heat, as I had originally planned. I had invited Marshall, and he called to say that he was sill on board, so I put on my swimsuit and headed out.

I met Marshall at his house. I filled him in on the party he missed the night before, and he fixed me hot tea and toast. Once he was satisfied that I would neither faint or get sick, we rode the golf cart to the river to swim there before meeting my church friends to swim at their lake house pool. We kicked off our flip-flops and made our way along the muddy river bank in our bare feet to where the water was warm and shallow and a large stretch of sand made the perfect beach. We stripped to our swimsuits and waded out, letting the current wash over us, soaking up the sun, listening to the wind rustle through the trees, and thanking the river for giving us this beach when we needed it most. We lay in the current, using our hands or feet as anchors in the sand, and talked about life. We promptly decided it would be folly to leave our sanctuary and join our friends, and enjoyed the solitude the woods and river gave us. We ran around and played like children before Marshall decided we should share our good fortune (and get some more food in me). We left the river and went back to the house.

Marshall made us scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast while I swept the kitchen. Our friends declined our invitation to the river, but since we were now full and sleepy from playing in the sun, we weren't too disappointed and opted for lazing on the couch instead. When we finally felt rested enough to stand, we drove into town to pick up Marshall's motorcycle. When we returned, he worked on it while I wandered the property and played with the dog. I picked blackberries at the wood's edge, listening to the cicadas and feeling at home for the first time in a long time. I watched the dog sniff his way into some tall grass and decided it was best if I didn't follow. Shorts and flip-flops offer no protection against snakes, and when I saw a slim black form in the grass in front of me, was glad of my decision.

I walked back to the house and shared my bounty with Marshall. It was nearing sunset, and he had some errands to run. We said goodbye with promises to have more Sundays together soon. I drove back to town, bought groceries, put gas in the car, and went home with a clear head, a peaceful heart, sun-bleached hair, and sandy skin.

Theological Discussions with Friends

It does seem cruel, sadistic, and just plain redundant for God to create man, allow him to fall in to sin by giving us free will and the means to turn from Him, to just bring us back to the place we began. I get that. I get that it seems pointless, heartless, meaningless, etc.

But after some contemplation, I think I've neglected one aspect of the Christian “story” that may lead to a different conclusion about God’s character. Again, in order for this to make sense, you would have to assume some basic biblical truths; therefore, I’m not presenting this objectively.

So, if we believe in the basic Christine doctrine of the Trinity, then we believe that Jesus is fully God, manifested on Earth. That’s saying that the infinite, supreme creator and ruler of the universe subjected Himself to humanity. He BECAME the creation for our sake. Why would He do this? Life is vain. We can agree on that. It is hard, it is painful, and it is limiting. Thus, He loved us (or “cared for us,” if love is too fluffy of a word) so much that the sacrifice He made as the atonement for OUR sins wasn’t just that He caused His Son to die. It’s that he became the Son, who was fully human and existed within the confines of mortal limitations. Borrowing an analogy from C. S. Lewis here, but that’s worse than us making the decision to continue existence as an earthworm or maggot for the sake of one of our family members or something.

So, to summarize: God created us for His own enjoyment. (Why? I don’t know, but He did.) He created us with the ability to reject Him, knowing that we indeed would reject Him, so that our love for Him is authentic and unforced. Knowing we would reject Him, and being a perfect and just Creator who cannot allow injustice to continue, He sacrificed Himself so that we again could have the means to live in community with Him in spite of our sinful nature and decisions. If all He wanted was to watch His creation suffer and walk about blindly, trying to discover life’s meaning and a purpose in the vast universe, and just wanted to restore balance and justice in His perfect creation, He could have done it a different way, don’t you think? He could have punished us directly, He could have created a different perfect sacrifice as retribution, but He didn’t. He made it personal, and I think that’s what demonstrates a caring Creator and not an indifferent puppet-master.

What do you think?

SDG

Rant

I am frustrated.

Really, eff-ing frustrated.

I will be 26 years old tomorrow, and I am no closer to understanding males. I hear all the time that guys want a girl who has her sh*t figured out, is laid-back, funny, adventurous, blah, blah, blah, confident, blah, blah... But I'm starting to think that's a load of crap. I am gainfully employed, working towards owning my own home, exude confidence, have a few lucrative hobbies, and you know what that gets me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Why? Because, apparently, I'm intimidating. Guys don't want a girl who's got it figured out. They want a wounded bird they can take care of and nurse back to health and who will rely on them for every little thing. They may never consciously admit it, but that's what strokes their male egos.

And you know what? I'll never be a wounded bird. I can and do take care of myself financially, emotionally, etc. quite well on my own. However, that doesn't mean I don't want someone in my life who can share that responsibility. No one even wants to take the time to get to know me, though, to understand me or even see what they might be able to offer me in a relationship because of their own stupid insecurities.

And, I know. I don't need to be told that I don't need a guy like that, someone who is insecure and intimidated by a successful, independent female. But where the hell are the good ones hiding? Are they all married by now? Like, where am I supposed to find a guy who I am compatible with and who is thrilled to find a girl like me?

I'm starting to feel like I may be single for ever, or for at least the next 20 years, when guys my age will finally start realizing that wounded birds are damn tiring to maintain. I may not even want to get married if I'm still single at 46. I don't really see much of a point, then.

Okay, rant over. I just needed to get this out. Any other girls feel like this, or am I the only one?
Also, I apologize for the language, but I feel it was an appropriate depiction of my emotions at this time.

SDG

Auntie Brittee

I love how my younger family members pronounce my name when they first learn to talk. "Brittany" is a mouthful for a little one, and its pronunciation has changed over the years:

To my sisters, I was "Bit n'bee."
My twin cousins called me "Briss-nee."
And now, my nephew has taken to calling me "Brittee."

It's so darn cute! I don't want him to grow out of it like the others did. I'll be Auntie Brittee for life. :)

SDG

Namaste

I'm officially embarking on my journey as a yoga instructor! This is something I've wanted to do ever since I memorized Sun Salutations.  I loved practicing yoga from the moment I tried it out, and teaching has flowed just as naturally.

I taught my first class this Wednesday and another yesterday. So far, my favorite part is putting together the music for class. It makes me so happy hearing my students hum along to one of my selections. The biggest adjustment, though, has been figuring out when/how to give cues as I'm doing the poses. There were a couple times, I looked up and saw everyone staring at me confused, mid-way through a flow, haha! It will take time and practice, but I'm really looking forward to developing my teaching style.

I'm going to a training course at the beginning of February to become officially certified, and I can't wait! I'm thrilled that I have the opportunity and outlet to follow one of my passions so practically, and I'm excited about where this journey will take me.

I'll try to post regularly about my development, and maybe even start posting instruction videos!

SDG

Life

Kate on an adventure last month

I don't want to be skinny and frail.
I want to be strong and capable.
I don't want the color of my lips or the cut of my hair to be the primary indicator of my beauty.
I want my intelligence and personality to shine through.
I will wear things I love.
I will do the things I love.
I will have fun.
If someone doesn't take the time to get to know me, their opinions are meaningless.
The end.

SDG

Now, Now I'm Gone

I refuse to be in second place
A warm body til you see her face
I deserve a sincere embrace
One to truly care about

I will not be a stand in
For the one you want to be with
Waiting for the right time when
It magically all works out

I guess I shouldn't be surprised
Half-truths are the same as lies
You may not want good-byes
But I won't be hanging around

You see I'm strong on my own
It's easy for me to be alone
I'll happily go on home
And you can figure it out

Because I have a direction
I have a purpose and election
Soaring higher from the resurrection
While your feet don't leave the ground

I don't need your selfishness
And there's not much I'll miss
No, there's not a one last kiss
So I'm gone now, now, see ya around

SDG

Playing Dress Up

This year is the first time in a loooong time that I actually put thought into a Halloween costume and have somewhere legitimate to wear it. Growing up, Halloween was my favorite holiday, and not really because of the candy. (Honestly, I always gave most of it to my sisters and only held on to the Sweetarts, Snickers, and Reese's.) But, seriously, what's not fun about dressing up and playing outside at night! It all just seemed so dangerous: staying up late, eating sweets, and wearing extravagant make up!

I'm so excited that I get to really participate again this year. I'm going to be Lana Kane from the TV show Archer.

If you haven't seen the show, Lana Kane is a field agent for the International Secret Intelligence Service or ISIS.

I've ordered a turtleneck dress, some thigh-high black boots (that I can actually wear again!), a shoulder gun holster, and a toy gun from Amazon. I picked up a wide black belt at Goodwill last weekend and already have silver hoop earrings. As of yesterday, I have the dress and gun, and I think I can pull this off! It also helps that one of my friends will be going as Archer himself to complete the look!

What's everyone else doing for Halloween? Got a sweet costume you're excited to break out?

SDG

Thrift Shop

What, what, what??

No. Not that "Thrift Shop."

And after you get the song out of your head, I'll show you what I did with some thrifted beauties this evening.

I found these really pretty prints in a local shop this morning at $3 each (the frame makes them worth at least that much), and thought they'd fit well in the house. I hated the wood color though. My immediate thought was to do a white wash, so I gathered the supplies.

Nothing fancy, just a coarse-bristled paint brush and some white acrylic paint.

Then, I just lightly swept the paint on the frames to give it a dusty, antiqued look. I'm quite pleased with the results. (Sorry for the poor-quality iPhone pics.)

I think they turned out nicely, and it took all of like 10 minutes to do, start to finish. Now to decide where to hang them... and what to do with this fire place set-- that I also got for three bucks! Black metal spray paint, perhaps? Ah, well we'll see. :)

SDG

Fall Wish List

Fall finally arrived for South Mississippi this past Sunday night. I turned the air conditioner off and leave windows open at night. I set out our little fire pit, and gathered a small bundle of sticks for kindling. I wear cardigans to work in the chilly morning air. Small changes in the weather, small changes around the house, small changes in wardrobe, and anticipating a few more. Here are some fall-ish things this new weather has been making me crave.

Comfy, warm, slip-on shoes

Some (faux)leather leggings... and these happened to be modeled by my lovely roommate who works at a local boutique. :) 

And a brown leather slouchy bag sort of like this. All my bags are falling apart and are not really fancy enough for work.

SDG

Maybe Ke$ha was on to something...

Lately, I've been really into how cute young Mick Jagger was. I can't explain it. I know I would have tried my hand at being a groupie if I were alive during The Rolling Stones glory days.

Here are some pictures.

Swoon and enjoy.

SDG

The First, First Born

My sister had her second child this weekend, a tiny little girl named Jemma Cheyenne, making a big brother out of John Carter.

Since I live three and a half hours away, I don't get to spend as much time with Carter as the rest of my family, so I jumped at the opportunity to keep him Friday night after the birth. The little booger stayed up until TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING, though! He only fell asleep after he pinched his fingers in a cabinet door and let me rock and sing to him.

But as we sat on the floor of the dimly lit den, an old western playing on the TV, me humming Edelweiss like I did when he was an infant, I realized that he was special: he was the first baby born from my generation, that of my sisters and cousins. He is a first first. That privilege gives him a distinct place in each of our family member's hearts. He would always be the first, the one I loved first, held first, kissed first, practice patience with first. This even separates him from my own future children. Not that it means I will love him more or that Jemma will be less loved or appreciated. It's just that he is a first first, and that comes with just as many responsibilities as advantages.

My mother was a first first, and I was a first first, and looking back, I understand a lot more about my aunts' and grandparents' expectations and love for me. There's just so much emotion and hope that comes with that first born of a new generation. There's also a connection that's formed between these firsts. Mama and I had it, and now, we'll both get to share it with Carter.

I love you, Carter, and can't wait to spend time with you and baby Jemma and to get to know each of you as you grow up.

SDG

What's wrong? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. :)

First of all, my intention for this post is not to perpetuate the unbecoming infatuation single girls in their twenties tend to have with becoming wives and getting married. It is just a humorous reminder to myself whenever I start feeling a little down, and hopefully, it might bring others some joy as well.

From now on, whenever things don't work out with a guy, my first reaction will not be, "What did I do wrong?!!??" I've decided that this is not only an illogical response, but also detrimental to a healthy self-esteem. My reasoning is as follows:

1. I'm an reasonably attractive person. By no means do I look like supermodels in the media, but honestly, I don't want to look like that. I like the way I look. I'm healthy, I take care of my body, and I'm confident; therefore, I am attractive. 

2. I'm smart. I like knowing things. I like learning things. I like teaching and being taught. Who wouldn't want to share their own interests with someone like this? 

3. Finally, I have a good sense of humor. Not only am I easily amused and laugh at everything (boosting the confidence of whoever's cracking jokes), but I'm also quick-witted myself. And, if you happen to appreciate a high dose of sarcasm, then boy, are you in for a real treat!

To conclude, no longer will I wonder what's wrong with me. No. Hence forth, whenever a guy is leaving the picture, I will say, "What the hell was wrong with him that he didn't want to be with someone like me?"

SDG

Still Here

So...

I realize my blogging has been incredibly sporadic and few and far between as of late. I apologize. I haven't had much life to discuss or what I had wanted to talk about was a little depressing, and no one really wants to read a whiny, depressing blog. However, I have something on my mind that I think needs to be here.

A lot has changed in the past six months. I started a new job, moved, quit that job, moved back, and started a new new job. I've done things that I never thought I'd do, some good, some mostly detrimental, but you live and learn, right? As they say, "You can't be old and wise til you've been young and stupid."

Now, I feel like I need to clarify that I'm not into drugs nor have I become an alcoholic or anything. I just know that the decisions I've been making recently are coming from sinful motivations. I've concluded that my (negative) behavior has stemmed from a desire for the temporal, a momentary satisfaction to mask my displeasure and quell my impatience. It's easier, and there's less risk involved because you're not investing in anyone, in anything. You get what you want and move on.

But that's not what I want, really, and that's not what will satisfy me. I need a refocus, a spiritual re-calibration with my compass pointed toward holiness and God's glory. That is my purpose, that's what I was created for, and that's the only place I will ever find satisfaction.

So, this is my mantra for a while: surrender to a pursuit of holiness, rest in the cross, deny my deceitful heart, and do everything for God's glory.

Sola Scriptura, Sola Fide, Solus Christus, Sola Gratia, Soli Deo Gloria

Letting Go

Dear [John],

I know we don't talk anymore, but this needed said. I'm finally letting you go, and I truly only want good things for you. I hope you find a way to make your life what you want it to be.

I'm done holding on to ideas of you that I knew deep down were only illusions. I'm done trying to convince myself that I love you just so I won't feel guilty. It wasn't your fault, and I knew that, but that doesn't mean I didn't try every means necessary to shift some or all of the blame, and that was fair to either of us.

We never would have worked out, despite the scenarios and what if's in my head. So, I hope you are happy with her and that she treats you well, and if not, that a woman will come along who will love, trust, and respect you, and who will encourage you to be the best man you know how to be.

I won't be jealous. I know mine will come around in time. I hope that if I see you again, we can smile and say, "Hi, how are you?" and really mean it. I will continue to pray for you as your sister in Christ, and I'm sincerely sorry for what I did to both of us.

Best wishes,

Brittany

SDG

I'm hopeful, fearful... ready for adventure.

It's late.
I'm at the apartment alone, lying on the floor half dressed, and listening to the sound of the dryer spin my clothes round and round, buttons clanging against metal, gentle whirring of the machine.
It's good to sit and listen in the stillness. Be me. Be alive. Feel my heart swell.
Things are changing fast. I'm on the brink. It's scary and exciting, yes.
I'm hopeful, fearful... ready for adventure.

SDG

I Might Be Crazy

Sometimes I want to scream and spin in a circle until I'm dizzy drunk and fall down.

You see, I get this feeling randomly (well, really, I get a lot of feelings that I take very seriously-- this is only one) I know it's significant, but it's not really explicable. It's this feeling like I'm about to overflow. A building pressure that might overwhelm my being at any moment. It's sort of an ominous feeling like the world is just too big and I'm too insignificant and I should give up. And screaming and flailing about is the only way to release the feeling.

But then... I remember that it doesn't really matter. The world is big, but I"m here for only a short time, and that time has been preordained for me by a God who's bigger than it all. Whatever happens is what's supposed to happen. Now, I won't sit passively and wait for something to happen. No. I'll move forward the best way I know how, trusting that the path I'm on will lead me to where I'm supposed to be.

"But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
(Philippians 3:13-14 ESV)

SDG

Knitting & Chi

There are just two things I've deemed blog-worthy this morning. First, I've started knitting again. This time, though, I've decided to go a bit more fancy and bought some circular knitting needles. Ooooh!

My hope is that this will turn into a comfy cowl, and if all goes well, I want to make a bunch of them and start an Etsy shop to sell them. Anybody out there want a hand-made, alpaca wool cowl???

Secondly, and you'll only understand this if you've hung out on my balcony, but there's been some landscaping changes at the store that is essentially my front yard. Before, it was just a bunch of trash... but now we have pretty trees!

You have no idea how happy this makes me! And it has greatly improved the apartment's chi. ;)

SDG