A few things...

I am beyond ready to have the horrors of comps behind me.

I get to go home Friday.

I get to see my dog, my uber preggo sister, and the newly built walls on my parents house this weekend!

Lauren gets married Saturday!

I'm going to have so much free time next week, I won't know what to do with my self.

I'm ready to start applying for big girl jobs.

SDG

Future Reminiscing

From time to time, I like to indulge in day dreaming about how I would like my life to look in the future. I've done this since I was about 5 years old. It's changed some over the years, but it's been really cool to discover that I'm actually doing some of the thing my 5-year-old self day dreamed about.

Now I mostly day dream about how I'd like my life to evolve over the next five years or so. More often than not, the dreams center around me working a really cool job, somewhere in a laid-back office environment, doing something I love. Nothing stuffy, even if it that means sacrificing a good salary. I don't care how much someone pays me if I'm not happy. In most of my day dreams my office is bright with lots of windows, an open space with lots of desks for lots of interaction with cool co-workers, and Mac desktop computers. Yes, I want a hipster job.

Somewhere along that time I would hopefully like to meet someone to do life with, a husband, in other words. Someone who I can follow and support. Someone who will challenge me spiritually. Someone who will be a good father and wants a big family. Someone who I have fun spending time with. This mostly manifests itself in my day dreams as weekend-long adventures with a group of friends, camping, going to outdoor concerts, and parties at the house with lots of food and movie-watching. Yes, I want a hipster husband.

I know the Lord has my future in his hands. I have no doubt that whatever the next years hold, I will find joy in knowing that I'm living the life my God has predestined for me, serving the people he puts in my life, learning more and more about Him everyday. It's exciting... and scary, no doubt, but mostly exciting. My God has turned some of my darkest days into the best year I could have asked for, so even if I'm met with trials and difficulties, I know my God will bring me through them. I'm reminded of an Augustine quote that I love from his Confessions. "So by those who did not well, Thou didst well for me; and by my own sin Thou dist justly punish me." God uses all circumstances for His glory, and no matter my circumstance, I should rejoice in glorifying Him. He's taught me this much over the past year.

"The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." (Lamentations 3:24)
Soli Deo Gloria

This is my dad.

This picture was taken last Christmas (2010). My dad raided my grandfather's gun cabinet and we went outside and pretended to be hard core. Yes, my daddy let us play with guns, ha.

Sometimes a girl just misses her daddy. Today, there's nothing more I would love than one of his hugs where he squeezes me tight, lifts me off the ground, and I breathe in his familiar scent: a mixture of fresh air, rubber (he works at a tire plant), and Listerine. Could someone transport me to Tupelo, please?
SDG

Not Again

Ah... that old familiar feeling. Just like being kicked in the gut. Simultaneously having the wind knocked out of you and the urge to vomit. So many times I've felt it, but the shock never goes away. I never anticipate the blow.

Oh, how I'm tired of it! Over and over again I put myself in the same vulnerable position. Maybe one day I will learn, eventually trust no one, let no one get close enough.

Probably not, though. I hope too much for the day my vulnerability is answered with enthusiasm. My track record, however, leaves me little room to hope for such an outcome. Too many times, too much let down, too much to lose the next time.

But, I must trust this is right, and plan accordingly.
SDG