I'm hopeful, fearful... ready for adventure.

It's late.
I'm at the apartment alone, lying on the floor half dressed, and listening to the sound of the dryer spin my clothes round and round, buttons clanging against metal, gentle whirring of the machine.
It's good to sit and listen in the stillness. Be me. Be alive. Feel my heart swell.
Things are changing fast. I'm on the brink. It's scary and exciting, yes.
I'm hopeful, fearful... ready for adventure.

SDG

I Might Be Crazy

Sometimes I want to scream and spin in a circle until I'm dizzy drunk and fall down.

You see, I get this feeling randomly (well, really, I get a lot of feelings that I take very seriously-- this is only one) I know it's significant, but it's not really explicable. It's this feeling like I'm about to overflow. A building pressure that might overwhelm my being at any moment. It's sort of an ominous feeling like the world is just too big and I'm too insignificant and I should give up. And screaming and flailing about is the only way to release the feeling.

But then... I remember that it doesn't really matter. The world is big, but I"m here for only a short time, and that time has been preordained for me by a God who's bigger than it all. Whatever happens is what's supposed to happen. Now, I won't sit passively and wait for something to happen. No. I'll move forward the best way I know how, trusting that the path I'm on will lead me to where I'm supposed to be.

"But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
(Philippians 3:13-14 ESV)

SDG

Knitting & Chi

There are just two things I've deemed blog-worthy this morning. First, I've started knitting again. This time, though, I've decided to go a bit more fancy and bought some circular knitting needles. Ooooh!

My hope is that this will turn into a comfy cowl, and if all goes well, I want to make a bunch of them and start an Etsy shop to sell them. Anybody out there want a hand-made, alpaca wool cowl???

Secondly, and you'll only understand this if you've hung out on my balcony, but there's been some landscaping changes at the store that is essentially my front yard. Before, it was just a bunch of trash... but now we have pretty trees!

You have no idea how happy this makes me! And it has greatly improved the apartment's chi. ;)

SDG

Funny Conversations from Yesterday

The Zombie Apocalypse
Text conversation between me and Kate--

Kate: Hey, where are you?
Me: Babysitting.
Kate: Ohhhh. I was wondering why you were up so early.
Me: Yep. You know I wouldn't be up at 7 of my own volition!
Kate: I figured you either had to babysit or the zombie apocalypse was set to begin today, and you awoke to prepare.
Me: Well, if it were the latter, I would have at least warned you so you could prepare also.
Kate: We will be ready when the day comes.


The Wisdom of Children
Conversation with a 3-year-old girl--

3-year-old: My boyfriend, Connor, gets on my nerves, so bad!
Me: Oh, well, maybe he shouldn't be your boyfriend anymore.
3-year-old: No, I think he still wants to be.
Me: Ahhh. Okay, then. Well, why does he get on your nerves?
3-year-old: Because I love him!

SDG

Catch Me If You Can

You won't have forever to make up you mind
You won't have forever but, baby, take your time
I know the game you're playing
I've known it from the start
I know you didn't mean to
But you've shown me all your cards

I am waiting patiently
At least as patient as I can
But I won't wait forever, darlin'
Catch me if you can

As familiar to me as an old, favorite book
Worn, torn, and tear-stained pages
Tell more than words with just one look
If you were a song,
I would call you Solomon
Too damn wise for your own good

I am waiting patiently
At least as patient as I can
But I won't wait forever, darlin'
Catch me if you can

"Freewill is not our choice," I turn to you and say
You reply, "What does it matter, babe?
"The matter exists in the same state"
We can't look inside
It could be dead or alive
I'm not convinced it's both at the same time

SDG

Little Things

Things that make me happy right now:

Listening to music that reminds me of my childhood
Anticipating my next trip to the library and the books I've planned to check out
Wearing jeans to work
Going to yoga this week

SDG

Misconceptions & Ramblings on Love

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends...." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ESV)

Read that again. No, really read it. I feel like this is one of the passages of Scripture that we skim over and are all like, "Yeah, yeah. I know this one. Love is good. Happy thoughts. La dee la," and then move on. There's so much more there, though!

What this says to me is that loving someone is hard. It's not something you simply "fall" into. Love is a choice, a decision, an action, a series of actions. Love doesn't go away when it is not reciprocated, when it is not appreciated, when it is not accepted. Love is not all butterflies and good times. Love is selfless. Love is painful. Loving someone basically guarantees a broken heart.

Is it worth it?

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us." (1 John 4:7-12 ESV

Jesus loved us. That love wasn't easy. In fact, it meant His death. But we love others out of a response for God's love for us, no matter what that love looks like. To quote Chris Martin, no body said it was easy.
SDG

Mostly Pictures of My Dog

I went to visit my parents today... and when I say "visit my parents," I really mean "visit my dog." I hate so much that she can't stay with me in Hattiesburg, but I know she has a blast roaming 40 acres of land, chasing deer, and playing with her dog buddies. Maybe one day when I have a house and a yard, she can live with me again.

I got to see how the house was coming along, too, and then Daddy and I went in search of black berries. I was determined to leave with as many as possible, despite the fact I was walking the four wheeler trails in flip flops. It was worth it. I found some of the juiciest black berries I've ever had! I even found some animal (wild pig, maybe??) remains and pretty flowers.

I took pictures. Enjoy.

SDG

Lately

Posting has been sporadic lately because my computer has been broken for a few months now, and the only time I'm on the internet is when I'm at work (yes, I'm blogging at work). My camera is also broken which means I rarely have pictures I want to post either. Nonetheless, I figured it was time for an update.

I've graduated and now have a Master's degree. It's odd thinking about how that phase in my life has already come and gone so quickly.

I'm still on the job hunt, but I've taken up another part-time gig to help fill in the gaps, both in my wallet and my schedule. I have sooo much free time now! I literally don't know what to do with it all. Add this to my recent decision to have the cable/internet disconnected from my apartment, and I get days spent by the pool devouring books (the library sees a lot of me) and evenings of randomness with friends. The job will have me working a lot of weekends, which means trips to Tupelo will be few and far between, unfortunately.

I'm getting a new roommate! This is part of the reason for the no cable/internet decision. New roommate a.k.a. Kate doesn't move in til the end of July; therefore, I get to handle all of the utilities by myself! Joy.... I'm also relearning how to live alone. I did for about a month or two when I first moved to Hattiesburg, but at least then I had school to keep me occupied. Yeah, so... the free time.

A lot has changed in such a short amount of time. Life is funny, but I've come to accept that I don't have to have it figured out. I know I never will have it figured out, and there's freedom in that. I'm happy. I like having free afternoons to bask in the sun. I like that I have to be more creative to entertain myself. God's using this time in my life to prepare me for the next step. I don't need to know what that step is, I just need to trust that it's there.
SDG

I hope this doesn't give too much away

I was talking with my roommate the other day about dating and the like and came to a realization. Even though I'm a girl, I'm not too proud to admit that I don't sit idly by and wait on a boy. I have a few consistent "moves" I throw out there when I want to get a guy's interest. Now, for your amusement, I'll share them here.**

1. Laugh. Laugh at everything they say, at yourself, at random things happening around you. If you know me at all, you know I have no trouble with this one. It shows a guy you have a good sense of humor, enjoy life, and don't take yourself too seriously. Who wouldn't want to be with a girl like that? 

2. Sarcastically pick on them. Sarcasm adds another level to the sense of humor play, and bruising a guy's ego makes them want to impress you to compensate for the hit. :) 

3. Have musical instruments in your house/apartment. This has several purposes. It shows that you are somewhat musically inclined, it leads to discussions about music (an opportunity to showcase your superior musical taste), and gives them an opportunity to impress you with their own musical prowess. 

4. Subtly brag about your yoga skills. Yeah.... 

5. Express your love for the outdoors. If guys know that you're down for a hike/bike/walk/swim whenever, you get points... just sayin'. 

6. Talk intelligently about sports. The ones you like to watch, the ones you play, etc. Again, this demonstrates you're not a typical girl and can enjoy something that they have an interest in. 

7. Be smart. You're not like the girls who sit around watching reality TV. You have a mind and use it. Talk about what you've been reading and what you've learned. Guys like to know that something is going on upstairs... the good ones do anyway. 

8. Be yourself. Don't pretend to do thing or like things that a boy likes just to impress them or, especially, don't try to talk about something you don't know anything about. 

9. Feed them. We all know the saying, and if you can make awesome cookies or whatever, share them! 

10. Eye contact and smile. Simple, yet effective. :D

SDG
**Disclaimer: This is a completely non-serious post, but girls, feel free to take the ones you like and/or modify them, seriously. ;)

A Practical Application of Mass Comm Theory

Marshall McLuhan said the medium is the message. Simply put, this means that the channel through which a message is communicated (e.g. television, radio, Internet, phone, etc.) can say just as much or more than the message itself. Think about how you perceive information you read in your newspaper versus information you read on the Internet. Don't you consider one medium to be more trustworthy than the other?

I'm citing all this mass communication theory mumbo jumbo to illustrate something. What you say via Facebook, Twitter, text message, phone call, in person has a different meaning through each medium because we attach certain significations to each medium. Each medium offers something different for communication.

Sound absurd? Well, think of it this way. Say you're having a bad day, and three friends (all of whom you are equally close to) tell you they're thinking about you and hope you feel better. One posts on your Facebook wall, another sends you a text message, and the other calls you to tell you. Sure, all of your friends made an effort to cheer you up, but you know there is more significance tied to a phone call than a Facebook wall post.

All of this to say: Yes, think about what you say, but also think about how you choose to say it.
SDG

Life Lesson of Spring '12

Never let someone make you feel helpless, weak, or guilty for expressing your emotions or asking for what you need.

Life Lesson of the Winter '11
Life Lesson of the Fall '10
Life Lesson of Summer '10

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

I'm a daddy's girl, there's no denying it. In fact, I remember being about 2 years old, and Mama asking me, "Who's baby are you?" and I would grin and reply in my little 2-year-old voice, "Daddy's!"

So... Happy birthday, Daddy! Thank you for taking us on four-wheeler rides and letting us 'cook sticks.' For encouraging us to act silly in public, even though it annoyed and embarrassed Mama. For helping us make breakfast on the weekends. For teaching us the words to "Already Gone" so we could sing along while you played on the guitar. I don't think God could have blessed us with a better Daddy, and I'm sure Holly and Katy agree.

Love,
your Brittles

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

 "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." 

(Proverbs 31:30 ESV)

I'm sure I'm not the only one who does this, but there are some days that I just feel really gross and unattractive. Then, there are days when I feel awesome, fit, and beautiful. It's probably a girl thing. Today, though, is one of those awesome days. So, I thought I'd record a few things I like about myself, not so that I could brag, but so I could read through them on one of my gross days and feel better.

1. My freckled shoulders
2. My hair (most of the time)
3. My hands and feet
4. My lips
5. My long eyelashes
6. My ever-changing eye color

Even with these things in mind, I can always take comfort in knowing that God created me perfectly.

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." (Psalm 139:13-14 ESV)

It is also assuring to know the true value of outward appearance.

"But the LORD said... 'For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.'”
(1 Samuel 16:7 ESV) 

No matter how good I may feel about my looks, God judges beauty by a different standard, and though my heart may be sinful, I'm covered in Christ's righteousness, and that's what God sees when he looks in my heart-- Christ's beautiful, perfect righteousness. He is the source of my true beauty.

For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
(2 Corinthians 5:21 ESV)

SDG

One Saturday

One Saturday I went bike shopping with friends and found a kid's area to play in, and Chad and I read children's books while sitting in tiny chairs.

One Saturday, Chris played with a baby doll that smelled like baby powder.

One Saturday, we were at a traffic light and saw that the car across from us had a giant hole in its windshield.

One Saturday, Chris and Naaman-- well, they were just being Chris and Naaman.

I adore my friends.

SDG

Shows and Such

I know I've said this before, but I seriously have some amazingly talented friends. Last Thursday marked another show for Carissa. Thus, I broke out the fancy camera. Here are a few pictures I took that evening with some rough editing. Enjoy. :)

SDG

Wednesdays Are My Favorite

I can sleep in
Afternoon yoga
Reading in Starbucks til class
And after class is small group with my wonderful church family

Yeah... Wednesdays are good.
SDG

How I Celebrated 2nd Tuesday in February

1. Ate frozen pizza
2. Watched Parenthood
3. Sipped on tasty beverages
4. Watched How I Met Your Mother
5. Enjoyed the company of a pretty awesome person
:D
SDG

My Own Office

So, I got to work this morning and my desk was all disheveled. All my meticulously-labeled files were missing from my drawers, and an array of random items from around the club were scattered around the office. My first thought was that for some reason, we had been robbed, and whoever did it wanted all my old newsletters. Then, I realized that that made no sense. I walked around aimlessly for a bit, trying to decide what to do. Finally, our office manager came in, and she informed me that I had simply been moved to the special event planner's old office. Thus, I have my own office!

It's freakin' sweet!

And here is my awesome view from the giant window...

And this whole area is just begging me to bring stuff from the apartment to decorate it.

I've been listening to my Indie Rock Pandora station all morning and enjoying the beautiful sunlight. All that is missing is a candle... and maybe a mini fridge. :)
SDG

A few things...

I am beyond ready to have the horrors of comps behind me.

I get to go home Friday.

I get to see my dog, my uber preggo sister, and the newly built walls on my parents house this weekend!

Lauren gets married Saturday!

I'm going to have so much free time next week, I won't know what to do with my self.

I'm ready to start applying for big girl jobs.

SDG

Future Reminiscing

From time to time, I like to indulge in day dreaming about how I would like my life to look in the future. I've done this since I was about 5 years old. It's changed some over the years, but it's been really cool to discover that I'm actually doing some of the thing my 5-year-old self day dreamed about.

Now I mostly day dream about how I'd like my life to evolve over the next five years or so. More often than not, the dreams center around me working a really cool job, somewhere in a laid-back office environment, doing something I love. Nothing stuffy, even if it that means sacrificing a good salary. I don't care how much someone pays me if I'm not happy. In most of my day dreams my office is bright with lots of windows, an open space with lots of desks for lots of interaction with cool co-workers, and Mac desktop computers. Yes, I want a hipster job.

Somewhere along that time I would hopefully like to meet someone to do life with, a husband, in other words. Someone who I can follow and support. Someone who will challenge me spiritually. Someone who will be a good father and wants a big family. Someone who I have fun spending time with. This mostly manifests itself in my day dreams as weekend-long adventures with a group of friends, camping, going to outdoor concerts, and parties at the house with lots of food and movie-watching. Yes, I want a hipster husband.

I know the Lord has my future in his hands. I have no doubt that whatever the next years hold, I will find joy in knowing that I'm living the life my God has predestined for me, serving the people he puts in my life, learning more and more about Him everyday. It's exciting... and scary, no doubt, but mostly exciting. My God has turned some of my darkest days into the best year I could have asked for, so even if I'm met with trials and difficulties, I know my God will bring me through them. I'm reminded of an Augustine quote that I love from his Confessions. "So by those who did not well, Thou didst well for me; and by my own sin Thou dist justly punish me." God uses all circumstances for His glory, and no matter my circumstance, I should rejoice in glorifying Him. He's taught me this much over the past year.

"The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." (Lamentations 3:24)
Soli Deo Gloria

This is my dad.

This picture was taken last Christmas (2010). My dad raided my grandfather's gun cabinet and we went outside and pretended to be hard core. Yes, my daddy let us play with guns, ha.

Sometimes a girl just misses her daddy. Today, there's nothing more I would love than one of his hugs where he squeezes me tight, lifts me off the ground, and I breathe in his familiar scent: a mixture of fresh air, rubber (he works at a tire plant), and Listerine. Could someone transport me to Tupelo, please?
SDG

Not Again

Ah... that old familiar feeling. Just like being kicked in the gut. Simultaneously having the wind knocked out of you and the urge to vomit. So many times I've felt it, but the shock never goes away. I never anticipate the blow.

Oh, how I'm tired of it! Over and over again I put myself in the same vulnerable position. Maybe one day I will learn, eventually trust no one, let no one get close enough.

Probably not, though. I hope too much for the day my vulnerability is answered with enthusiasm. My track record, however, leaves me little room to hope for such an outcome. Too many times, too much let down, too much to lose the next time.

But, I must trust this is right, and plan accordingly.
SDG