Future Fond Memories

I woke up hungover on a June Sunday morning. I mentally kicked myself for drinking so much, and halfheartedly swore off alcohol for the next month. I felt guilty for missing church, especially since it was my Sunday to work in the nursery, but resolved that sleep would be better and knew someone could fill in. After a failed attempt to keep down some orange juice and a few hours of fitful dozing, I heard Kate stirring in the kitchen and smelled coffee brewing. I decided to get up. I chewed ice and listened to Kate talk about her weekend photographing a wedding in Arkansas, and we swapped anecdotes about the crazy and stupid things we both did on Friday and Saturday. She left for her usual morning run, and I tried to gauge whether or not I could spend the rest of my Sunday swimming in the Mississippi heat, as I had originally planned. I had invited Marshall, and he called to say that he was sill on board, so I put on my swimsuit and headed out.

I met Marshall at his house. I filled him in on the party he missed the night before, and he fixed me hot tea and toast. Once he was satisfied that I would neither faint or get sick, we rode the golf cart to the river to swim there before meeting my church friends to swim at their lake house pool. We kicked off our flip-flops and made our way along the muddy river bank in our bare feet to where the water was warm and shallow and a large stretch of sand made the perfect beach. We stripped to our swimsuits and waded out, letting the current wash over us, soaking up the sun, listening to the wind rustle through the trees, and thanking the river for giving us this beach when we needed it most. We lay in the current, using our hands or feet as anchors in the sand, and talked about life. We promptly decided it would be folly to leave our sanctuary and join our friends, and enjoyed the solitude the woods and river gave us. We ran around and played like children before Marshall decided we should share our good fortune (and get some more food in me). We left the river and went back to the house.

Marshall made us scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast while I swept the kitchen. Our friends declined our invitation to the river, but since we were now full and sleepy from playing in the sun, we weren't too disappointed and opted for lazing on the couch instead. When we finally felt rested enough to stand, we drove into town to pick up Marshall's motorcycle. When we returned, he worked on it while I wandered the property and played with the dog. I picked blackberries at the wood's edge, listening to the cicadas and feeling at home for the first time in a long time. I watched the dog sniff his way into some tall grass and decided it was best if I didn't follow. Shorts and flip-flops offer no protection against snakes, and when I saw a slim black form in the grass in front of me, was glad of my decision.

I walked back to the house and shared my bounty with Marshall. It was nearing sunset, and he had some errands to run. We said goodbye with promises to have more Sundays together soon. I drove back to town, bought groceries, put gas in the car, and went home with a clear head, a peaceful heart, sun-bleached hair, and sandy skin.

Theological Discussions with Friends

It does seem cruel, sadistic, and just plain redundant for God to create man, allow him to fall in to sin by giving us free will and the means to turn from Him, to just bring us back to the place we began. I get that. I get that it seems pointless, heartless, meaningless, etc.

But after some contemplation, I think I've neglected one aspect of the Christian “story” that may lead to a different conclusion about God’s character. Again, in order for this to make sense, you would have to assume some basic biblical truths; therefore, I’m not presenting this objectively.

So, if we believe in the basic Christine doctrine of the Trinity, then we believe that Jesus is fully God, manifested on Earth. That’s saying that the infinite, supreme creator and ruler of the universe subjected Himself to humanity. He BECAME the creation for our sake. Why would He do this? Life is vain. We can agree on that. It is hard, it is painful, and it is limiting. Thus, He loved us (or “cared for us,” if love is too fluffy of a word) so much that the sacrifice He made as the atonement for OUR sins wasn’t just that He caused His Son to die. It’s that he became the Son, who was fully human and existed within the confines of mortal limitations. Borrowing an analogy from C. S. Lewis here, but that’s worse than us making the decision to continue existence as an earthworm or maggot for the sake of one of our family members or something.

So, to summarize: God created us for His own enjoyment. (Why? I don’t know, but He did.) He created us with the ability to reject Him, knowing that we indeed would reject Him, so that our love for Him is authentic and unforced. Knowing we would reject Him, and being a perfect and just Creator who cannot allow injustice to continue, He sacrificed Himself so that we again could have the means to live in community with Him in spite of our sinful nature and decisions. If all He wanted was to watch His creation suffer and walk about blindly, trying to discover life’s meaning and a purpose in the vast universe, and just wanted to restore balance and justice in His perfect creation, He could have done it a different way, don’t you think? He could have punished us directly, He could have created a different perfect sacrifice as retribution, but He didn’t. He made it personal, and I think that’s what demonstrates a caring Creator and not an indifferent puppet-master.

What do you think?

SDG

Rant

I am frustrated.

Really, eff-ing frustrated.

I will be 26 years old tomorrow, and I am no closer to understanding males. I hear all the time that guys want a girl who has her sh*t figured out, is laid-back, funny, adventurous, blah, blah, blah, confident, blah, blah... But I'm starting to think that's a load of crap. I am gainfully employed, working towards owning my own home, exude confidence, have a few lucrative hobbies, and you know what that gets me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Why? Because, apparently, I'm intimidating. Guys don't want a girl who's got it figured out. They want a wounded bird they can take care of and nurse back to health and who will rely on them for every little thing. They may never consciously admit it, but that's what strokes their male egos.

And you know what? I'll never be a wounded bird. I can and do take care of myself financially, emotionally, etc. quite well on my own. However, that doesn't mean I don't want someone in my life who can share that responsibility. No one even wants to take the time to get to know me, though, to understand me or even see what they might be able to offer me in a relationship because of their own stupid insecurities.

And, I know. I don't need to be told that I don't need a guy like that, someone who is insecure and intimidated by a successful, independent female. But where the hell are the good ones hiding? Are they all married by now? Like, where am I supposed to find a guy who I am compatible with and who is thrilled to find a girl like me?

I'm starting to feel like I may be single for ever, or for at least the next 20 years, when guys my age will finally start realizing that wounded birds are damn tiring to maintain. I may not even want to get married if I'm still single at 46. I don't really see much of a point, then.

Okay, rant over. I just needed to get this out. Any other girls feel like this, or am I the only one?
Also, I apologize for the language, but I feel it was an appropriate depiction of my emotions at this time.

SDG

Auntie Brittee

I love how my younger family members pronounce my name when they first learn to talk. "Brittany" is a mouthful for a little one, and its pronunciation has changed over the years:

To my sisters, I was "Bit n'bee."
My twin cousins called me "Briss-nee."
And now, my nephew has taken to calling me "Brittee."

It's so darn cute! I don't want him to grow out of it like the others did. I'll be Auntie Brittee for life. :)

SDG

Namaste

I'm officially embarking on my journey as a yoga instructor! This is something I've wanted to do ever since I memorized Sun Salutations.  I loved practicing yoga from the moment I tried it out, and teaching has flowed just as naturally.

I taught my first class this Wednesday and another yesterday. So far, my favorite part is putting together the music for class. It makes me so happy hearing my students hum along to one of my selections. The biggest adjustment, though, has been figuring out when/how to give cues as I'm doing the poses. There were a couple times, I looked up and saw everyone staring at me confused, mid-way through a flow, haha! It will take time and practice, but I'm really looking forward to developing my teaching style.

I'm going to a training course at the beginning of February to become officially certified, and I can't wait! I'm thrilled that I have the opportunity and outlet to follow one of my passions so practically, and I'm excited about where this journey will take me.

I'll try to post regularly about my development, and maybe even start posting instruction videos!

SDG