So... I got my hair cut.

It was getting REALLY long, and I'm pretty sure most of my ends were split in thirds. I was tired of spending five minutes in the shower just rinsing the shampoo out, and now that it's gotten colder, I was definitely not loving that if I wanted to blow-dry it, I had to make sure I had an hour to spare.

So, I got off work a bit early yesterday and just popped in the salon to see if someone could squeeze me in. I didn't even think twice when I sat down and told the lady I wanted six inches cut. I thought that would leave it long enough that I could still put it in a ponytail, all the dead ends would be taken care of, and all the layers that had grown out weirdly would be gone. I didn't ask for anything other than face-framing layers to be put back in. It looked decent. It was for sure shorter, but my hair looked healthy again.

Well, yesterday my hair was straight. Today, I let it curl after washing it, and now it's a shapeless mass that hits right below my shoulders- a drastic difference from my mid-back. Okay, shapeless mass may be an exaggeration. It really isn't that bad. I think I'm just in shock. My new, short-haired self saw my reflection and forgot about all those good reasons I had to get it cut in the first place and wanted long locks cascading over my shoulders (not that it did that before I cut it anyway, but short-haired self also must be living with some delusions.)

Anyway, all this is just me saying I miss my long hair. I've reassured myself, though, that because of my super hair-growing abilities, it'll probably be the length it was before I had it cut in about oh... two or three months. I still think I may go back and have layers put back in.

SDG

Creative Outlet Part 2

It took some time before the girl was okay with her disfigured soul. Though she was no longer empty, the memory of the pain was often just as intense as the initial wound. With the realization that she would never be the girl she was before she met the boy, she thought now was as good a time as any to call him back.

She called out, weakly at first. It had been so long, after all.

No response.

She called again, loudly this time, knowing that the boy would hear her.

Still, silence.

A third time she called, more forcefully, and finally heard the boy's voice in reply. However, he wasn't saying what she thought she would hear. Instead of acknowledging the promise he made to return, he was asking for more silence from her. During all this time apart, the boy had been wrestling with his own wounds. He too was scarred from hurting the girl. He never imagined that anyone, most of all this beautiful girl, wanted to be near him, let alone allow him to be a part of herself. Images of her sad eyes, the memory of the pain in her voice haunted him, burrowing themselves deep into his soul, opening old scars. It was hard enough on him to deal with these things without her, but working them out while she sat expectantly in his shadows would be too much.

This time he didn't apologize for his actions. The girl was furious. He did this to both of them, and now he was asking the broken girl to bear this burden alone for who knows how long, after he promised to come back when she was ready. She cried and told him he was being ridiculous to try and fix his soul alone, but he gave nothing in response, and she let him drift away again.

Later, the girl realized that even though the boy wanted to heal his scars alone, she shouldn't worsen his load by adding the stress of her own brokenness. She would be okay, never the same or as happy as before, but okay. She knew the boy would need help, so she prayed to their Keeper again, asking Him to draw the boy close and soothe his wounded soul. She sent out a message for the boy. It said she was sorry for trying to bring him back when he wasn't ready. She, of all people, should realize that scarred souls are delicate things. She told him that when he was finally ready, she would be the one waiting this time.
 
*Read Part 1 here.

Updates

I'm officially accepted to Southern Miss.
I have a new apartment.
I'm moving January 7th.
I've taken out my first student loan in my entire college career, ever.
I'm looking into seminaries for when I graduate.

So much is falling into place, but there's still a lot to do. Like:
Packing up all my stuff (Eeek!),
Finding a job,
Actually signing up for classes (the school is closed for the holidays),
and finding a couch I can afford, the main piece of furniture I don't have.

Oh, I'm so excited! A little daunted, yes, and freaking out a bit, yes, but mostly excited!
SDG

Life Lesson of the Fall

Don't make plans-- unless, of course, your definition of a plan is a general idea of a vague objective of which you hope to accomplish with anything that may or may not come close to previously stated general idea.

Today was lovely.

Truly lovely.

It started out with me waking up to snow.
Snow!
In Mississippi!
In December!
I love, love, love cold weather, so just seeing it this morning was exciting, but having it last nearly all day was amazing. In all my excitement, though, I didn't get a picture. I was too busy enjoying it in real life.

The sermon this morning was great. We serve a God who keeps His promises, and it would do me well to remember that.

Starbucks time was great. I got to read my Bible, catch up on Spurgeon devotionals, sip green tea, and watch the snow through the window gently drift through the air.

Afterward, I went to my family's annual cookie bake. All the girls (and kids) get together and make delicious desserts to take home or give to friends or take to work.

It was good. I needed today. I hope this is an indication of more good days to come.
SDG

Creative Outlet Part 1

There once was a girl who fell in love, even though she thought she never would. She fell in love and let a boy into her very soul. He fit so nicely there, after all, and because he did fit so nicely, she thought that's where he was meant to stay.

At first the boy recognized the warmness and pleasantness of the girl's soul and snuggled in, pulling it around him and making it more like his. The girl loved this and let him do it.

However, the boy didn't stay long. He looked around and thought the girl's soul was too nice of a place for him to be. He didn't want to mess it up, so he left quickly, leaving her soul empty, disheveled, and torn.

This new emptiness, this place she didn't even know she had, ached terribly. She called after the boy. She told him he should at least return for a bit and straighten up. He tried, but the rearranging only felt worse. She still had the memory of the perfect fit, and anything else paled in comparison.

So he left again, because the boy didn't want to hurt the girl any more. He told her that with time her soul would heal itself. She begged him to stay, but he refused. She told him that her soul wasn't that nice to begin with and if he came back, not to worry about messing it up a bit. He still said no, and to ensure that her soul healed properly, he wouldn't come back for a while. He said when her soul had finally healed, he would come visit and make a new, less permanent space, like they tried to fix before.

She waited and waited for her soul to heal. She prayed to it's Keeper to take it and fill up the hole, but the Keeper told her that a soul often needs holes to work properly and to be patient. After a while, a scab formed. It was itchy and uncomfortable, but it felt less empty. The scab eventually started to heal, and the girl thought that her soul could finally be well again, but as the last bit turned into new flesh, she found that what had actually formed was a boy-shaped scar. Disheartened, she realized the boy was wrong. Her soul would never be like before he found it.

Let's Go Back to the Start

I wish I could go back to May, when I had the whole summer to look forward to, a summer full of promise.

I want that state of mind back. I want back the faith I had then. It seems I lost my way somehow between hopeful May, the excitement of early June, the devastation of late June and early July, and then the bliss that ensued until the beginning of August. I want to be that happy and carefree.

August and September seem a blur of confusion and trying to grasp on to whatever I could. October was miserable, and November wasn't that much better.

Now it's December. I'm a mess. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Everything's black, but sometimes I can catch a whiff of fresh, cool air, so I guess I'm headed the right direction. I can't help but think it's not over, and I'm waiting on whatever it is that I need to move on.

God, You've been there for me when I needed You most. I'm clinging to Your promises, calling on Your name. Please, don't let this be the end. I only want to do Your will, Lord. Give me the faith, the courage, and the strength I need to do that. Lead me on Your paths. Use me how You will. Change my heart. I pray these things in Christ's name, in whom I have the privilege to sit at Your mercy seat. Amen.
SDG

Merry Christmas to Me!

The pretties I ordered from Old Navy the other day finally arrived! I got all five of these pieces for about $50. Not bad at'tall, I'd say. Yea for sales! I'm most excited about that brown skirt. I plan on pairing it with with that light blue shirt, gray tights, and my new tan boots. Lovely!
SDG

Confession

For those of you who know me, it's no surprise my obsession with Lord Of The Rings. I watch the movies many, many times of year. A while back, I blogged my discovery that I have a tendency to watch them when I'm depressed. Well, I also get the urge to watch them during holidays, specifically Thanksgiving and Christmas. I don't know why exactly, but on days when it's cold out and I don't have anything much to do, my go-to movie selection is LOTR. Oh, and I just don't pick one and watch it and that's the end. They turn into marathons, watching the trilogy back to back, sometimes lasting a week.

While I'm sure you find this interesting, it's not what I wanted to confess. I'm currently in one of my marathon viewings, and finished the second disc to The Return of the King last night. Though I love these movies dearly, there's a whole section of the film I've never seen, nor do I want to see. Two words: Shelob and arachnophobia. Yes, I'm deathly afraid of spiders, they are creepy and move weird and have too many legs; therefore whenever Frodo goes into the cave, I cover my face, leaving enough space to view a corner of the TV so I know when all's safe again.

Yes, I'm weird.
SDG