Fall Wish List

Fall finally arrived for South Mississippi this past Sunday night. I turned the air conditioner off and leave windows open at night. I set out our little fire pit, and gathered a small bundle of sticks for kindling. I wear cardigans to work in the chilly morning air. Small changes in the weather, small changes around the house, small changes in wardrobe, and anticipating a few more. Here are some fall-ish things this new weather has been making me crave.

Comfy, warm, slip-on shoes

Some (faux)leather leggings... and these happened to be modeled by my lovely roommate who works at a local boutique. :) 

And a brown leather slouchy bag sort of like this. All my bags are falling apart and are not really fancy enough for work.

SDG

Maybe Ke$ha was on to something...

Lately, I've been really into how cute young Mick Jagger was. I can't explain it. I know I would have tried my hand at being a groupie if I were alive during The Rolling Stones glory days.

Here are some pictures.

Swoon and enjoy.

SDG

The First, First Born

My sister had her second child this weekend, a tiny little girl named Jemma Cheyenne, making a big brother out of John Carter.

Since I live three and a half hours away, I don't get to spend as much time with Carter as the rest of my family, so I jumped at the opportunity to keep him Friday night after the birth. The little booger stayed up until TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING, though! He only fell asleep after he pinched his fingers in a cabinet door and let me rock and sing to him.

But as we sat on the floor of the dimly lit den, an old western playing on the TV, me humming Edelweiss like I did when he was an infant, I realized that he was special: he was the first baby born from my generation, that of my sisters and cousins. He is a first first. That privilege gives him a distinct place in each of our family member's hearts. He would always be the first, the one I loved first, held first, kissed first, practice patience with first. This even separates him from my own future children. Not that it means I will love him more or that Jemma will be less loved or appreciated. It's just that he is a first first, and that comes with just as many responsibilities as advantages.

My mother was a first first, and I was a first first, and looking back, I understand a lot more about my aunts' and grandparents' expectations and love for me. There's just so much emotion and hope that comes with that first born of a new generation. There's also a connection that's formed between these firsts. Mama and I had it, and now, we'll both get to share it with Carter.

I love you, Carter, and can't wait to spend time with you and baby Jemma and to get to know each of you as you grow up.

SDG

What's wrong? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. :)

First of all, my intention for this post is not to perpetuate the unbecoming infatuation single girls in their twenties tend to have with becoming wives and getting married. It is just a humorous reminder to myself whenever I start feeling a little down, and hopefully, it might bring others some joy as well.

From now on, whenever things don't work out with a guy, my first reaction will not be, "What did I do wrong?!!??" I've decided that this is not only an illogical response, but also detrimental to a healthy self-esteem. My reasoning is as follows:

1. I'm an reasonably attractive person. By no means do I look like supermodels in the media, but honestly, I don't want to look like that. I like the way I look. I'm healthy, I take care of my body, and I'm confident; therefore, I am attractive. 

2. I'm smart. I like knowing things. I like learning things. I like teaching and being taught. Who wouldn't want to share their own interests with someone like this? 

3. Finally, I have a good sense of humor. Not only am I easily amused and laugh at everything (boosting the confidence of whoever's cracking jokes), but I'm also quick-witted myself. And, if you happen to appreciate a high dose of sarcasm, then boy, are you in for a real treat!

To conclude, no longer will I wonder what's wrong with me. No. Hence forth, whenever a guy is leaving the picture, I will say, "What the hell was wrong with him that he didn't want to be with someone like me?"

SDG

Still Here

So...

I realize my blogging has been incredibly sporadic and few and far between as of late. I apologize. I haven't had much life to discuss or what I had wanted to talk about was a little depressing, and no one really wants to read a whiny, depressing blog. However, I have something on my mind that I think needs to be here.

A lot has changed in the past six months. I started a new job, moved, quit that job, moved back, and started a new new job. I've done things that I never thought I'd do, some good, some mostly detrimental, but you live and learn, right? As they say, "You can't be old and wise til you've been young and stupid."

Now, I feel like I need to clarify that I'm not into drugs nor have I become an alcoholic or anything. I just know that the decisions I've been making recently are coming from sinful motivations. I've concluded that my (negative) behavior has stemmed from a desire for the temporal, a momentary satisfaction to mask my displeasure and quell my impatience. It's easier, and there's less risk involved because you're not investing in anyone, in anything. You get what you want and move on.

But that's not what I want, really, and that's not what will satisfy me. I need a refocus, a spiritual re-calibration with my compass pointed toward holiness and God's glory. That is my purpose, that's what I was created for, and that's the only place I will ever find satisfaction.

So, this is my mantra for a while: surrender to a pursuit of holiness, rest in the cross, deny my deceitful heart, and do everything for God's glory.

Sola Scriptura, Sola Fide, Solus Christus, Sola Gratia, Soli Deo Gloria

Letting Go

Dear [John],

I know we don't talk anymore, but this needed said. I'm finally letting you go, and I truly only want good things for you. I hope you find a way to make your life what you want it to be.

I'm done holding on to ideas of you that I knew deep down were only illusions. I'm done trying to convince myself that I love you just so I won't feel guilty. It wasn't your fault, and I knew that, but that doesn't mean I didn't try every means necessary to shift some or all of the blame, and that was fair to either of us.

We never would have worked out, despite the scenarios and what if's in my head. So, I hope you are happy with her and that she treats you well, and if not, that a woman will come along who will love, trust, and respect you, and who will encourage you to be the best man you know how to be.

I won't be jealous. I know mine will come around in time. I hope that if I see you again, we can smile and say, "Hi, how are you?" and really mean it. I will continue to pray for you as your sister in Christ, and I'm sincerely sorry for what I did to both of us.

Best wishes,

Brittany

SDG

I'm hopeful, fearful... ready for adventure.

It's late.
I'm at the apartment alone, lying on the floor half dressed, and listening to the sound of the dryer spin my clothes round and round, buttons clanging against metal, gentle whirring of the machine.
It's good to sit and listen in the stillness. Be me. Be alive. Feel my heart swell.
Things are changing fast. I'm on the brink. It's scary and exciting, yes.
I'm hopeful, fearful... ready for adventure.

SDG